On a lark, I tried something and it worked… It’s always the way, as soon as you ask for help you figure it out. Anyway, here’s my solution:
The fact that NOTHING that worked for anyone else was working for me said it might be something with my host. We had a problem with another client site recently running Drupal on 1&1 and we finally traced it to the fact that 1&1 defaults to using PHP4, unless you specifically tell it to use PHP5. I know, right?
I dropped a line in the .htaccess file “AddType x-mapp-php5 .php” and voila! Works a treat.
I was even able to pull all the security bypasses that people had been suggesting from my .htaccess because some had questioned the security.
So, if like me, you’re still kerfuffled, try checking the version of PHP you’re using. (if you don’t know, you can normally find out easily by slipping a phpinfo(); call into a blank page.
Cheers!