I'll ignore the two snipes at the end there. Typically, folks who don't want to get the sort of response I gave point out that they've already searched, because assuming that people haven't searched is almost always correct. Thank you for being an exception.
If it's not in there, then I doubt it exists. However, plugins aren't as difficult to code as many folks might think. I've never taken a programming class in my life, but by googling PHP tutorials and then reading through the plugin api, I've managed to put together several plugins of my own, a few of which even get used widely by WP users.
Failing that, you could always try to contact a pro to do it for money.