My entire post vanished above.
I have nearly wiped out my theme trying to do this all night. It is Blackgrey. Every time I try to fix it, all the tab links move over. http://donnabarstow.com/WordPress/
None of the tabs correspond to the pages. I think the header php is broken, as it doesn't have wp_link in it. When you hover on the tabs, it has a # sign, so I tried adding each page in by hand in the headerphp, but that didn't work either.
I also tried uploading wp_navi, but it is invisible in my plugin section.
Can someone please help??