How to optimize this function

Hi there, I was wondering if someone knows how I can optimize, and hopefully dramatically shrink the function below.

It is used within the function.php of a custom template and it’s used to retrieved custom designs for each of the individual sections of the blog/site. The problem is that it’s immensely long and it seems to cause some little CPU overload on the server.

Anybody would know how to optimize it? Thanks in advance!

/********************************************************************
loading a custom single post template
********************************************************************/
function get_custom_post() {

	global $post, $chic;
	$get_post_cat = wp_get_post_categories($post->ID);
	foreach($get_post_cat as $catid ) {
	$cat = get_category($catid);
	$the_cat = get_cat_name($cat->cat_ID);
	}

	// videos
	$video_sustainability = get_cat_name($chic['video_sustainability_id']);
	$video_art_and_design = get_cat_name($chic['video_art_design_id']);
	$video_conscious_living = get_cat_name($chic['video_conscious_living_id']);
	$video_wellbeing = get_cat_name($chic['video_wellbeing_id']);
	// Wellbeing
	$in_the_balance = get_cat_name($chic['in_the_balance_id']);
	$intimacy = get_cat_name($chic['intimacy_id']);
	$social_trends = get_cat_name($chic['social_trends_id']);
	$sustainable_life = get_cat_name($chic['sustainable_life_id']);
	$wellness_notes = get_cat_name($chic['wellness_notes_id']);
	// Travel
	$dream_destinations = get_cat_name($chic['dream_destinations_id']);
	$globe_trotter = get_cat_name($chic['globe_trotter_id']);
	$haute_hotels = get_cat_name($chic['haute_hotels_id']);
	$spas = get_cat_name($chic['spas_id']);
	$wanderlust = get_cat_name($chic['wanderlust_id']);
	// Culture
	$art_and_design = get_cat_name($chic['art_and_design_id']);
	$books = get_cat_name($chic['books_id']);
	$cuisine = get_cat_name($chic['cuisine_id']);
	$on_the_agenda = get_cat_name($chic['on_the_agenda_id']);
	$photography = get_cat_name($chic['photography_id']);
	$lifestyle_notes = get_cat_name($chic['lifestyle_notes_id']);
	// Fashion
	$style_mantra = get_cat_name($chic['style_mantra_id']);
	$style_notes = get_cat_name($chic['style_notes_id']);
	$street_style = get_cat_name($chic['street_style_id']);
	$trendwatch = get_cat_name($chic['trendwatch_id']);
	$stylist_on_demand = get_cat_name($chic['stylist_on_demand_id']);
	$wish_list = get_cat_name($chic['wish_list_id']);
	// Beauty
	$must_have_products = get_cat_name($chic['must_have_products_id']);
	$beauty_trends = get_cat_name($chic['beauty_trends_id']);
	$dream_destinations = get_cat_name($chic['dream_destinations_id']);
	$scentsual = get_cat_name($chic['scentsual_id']);
	$top_tips = get_cat_name($chic['top_tips_id']);
	$beaute_notes = get_cat_name($chic['beaute_notes_id']);
	// Celebs
	$interviews = get_cat_name($chic['interviews_id']);
	$chicest_celebs = get_cat_name($chic['chicest_celebs_id']);
	$get_the_look = get_cat_name($chic['get_the_look_id']);
	$the_good_celebritan = get_cat_name($chic['the_good_celebritan_id']);
	$the_red_carpet = get_cat_name($chic['the_red_carpet_id']);
	$celebrity_notes = get_cat_name($chic['celebrity_notes_id']);
	// Magazine
	$back_issues = get_cat_name($chic['back_issues_id']);
	$current_issue = get_cat_name($chic['current_issue_id']);
	// Competitions
	$current_competitions = get_cat_name($chic['current_competitions_id']);
	$past_competitions = get_cat_name($chic['past_competitions_id']);

	// re-set variable for-each
	// Videos
	$article_video_sustainability = '/^'. $video_sustainability .'/';
	$article_video_art_and_design = '/^'. $video_art_and_design .'/';
	$article_conscious_living = '/^'. $video_conscious_living .'/';
	$article_video_wellbeing = '/^'. $video_wellbeing .'/';
	// Wellbeing
	$article_in_the_balance = '/^'. $in_the_balance .'/';
	$article_intimacy = '/^'. $intimacy .'/';
	$article_social_trends = '/^'. $social_trends .'/';
	$article_sustainable_life = '/^'. $sustainable_life .'/';
	$article_wellness_notes = '/^'. $wellness_notes .'/';
	// Travel
	$gallery_dream_destinations = '/^'. $dream_destinations .'/';
	$blog_globe_trotter = '/^'. $globe_trotter .'/';
	$gallery_haute_hotels = '/^'. $haute_hotels .'/';
	$gallery_spas = '/^'. $spas .'/';
	$article_wanderlust = '/^'. $wanderlust .'/';
	// Culture
	$gallery_art_and_design = '/^'. $art_and_design .'/';
	$article_books = '/^'. $books .'/';
	$article_cuisine = '/^'. $cuisine .'/';
	$article_on_the_agenda = '/^'. $on_the_agenda .'/';
	$gallery_photography = '/^'. $photography .'/';
	$article_lifestyle_notes = '/^'. $lifestyle_notes .'/';
	// Fashion
	$gallery_style_mantra = '/^'. $style_mantra .'/';
	$article_style_notes = '/^'. $style_notes .'/';
	$blog_street_style = '/^'. $street_style .'/';
	$gallery_trendwatch = '/^'. $trendwatch .'/';
	$gallery_stylist_on_demand = '/^'. $stylist_on_demand .'/';
	$gallery_wish_list = '/^'. $wish_list .'/';
	// Beauty
	$gallery_must_have_products = '/^'. $must_have_products .'/';
	$gallery_beauty_trends = '/^'. $beauty_trends .'/';
	$gallery_scentsual = '/^'. $scentsual .'/';
	$gallery_top_tips = '/^'. $top_tips .'/';
	$article_beaute_notes = '/^'. $beaute_notes .'/';
	// Celebs
	$article_interviews = '/^'. $interviews .'/';
	$gallery_chicest_celebs = '/^'. $chicest_celebs .'/';
	$gallery_get_the_look = '/^'. $get_the_look .'/';
	$article_the_good_celebritan = '/^'. $the_good_celebritan .'/';
	$gallery_the_red_carpet = '/^'. $the_red_carpet .'/';
	$article_celebrity_notes = '/^'. $celebrity_notes .'/';
	// Magazine
	$article_back_issues = '/^'. $back_issues .'/';
	$article_current_issue = '/^'. $current_issue .'/';
	// Competitions
	$article_current_competitions = '/^'. $current_competitions .'/';
	$article_past_competitions = '/^'. $past_competitions .'/';

	// IF condition Videos
	if (preg_match($article_video_sustainability, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_video_sustainability.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_video_art_and_design, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_video_art_design.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_conscious_living, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_video_conscious_living.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_video_wellbeing, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_video_wellbeing.php';
	} 

	// Wellbeing
	elseif (preg_match($article_in_the_balance, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_in_the_balance.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_intimacy, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_intimacy.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_social_trends, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_social_trends.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_sustainable_life, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_sustainable_life.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_wellness_notes, $the_cat)) {
	    include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_wellness_notes.php';
	} 

	// Travel
	elseif (preg_match($gallery_dream_destinations, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_dream_destinations.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($blog_globe_trotter, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/blog_globe_trotter.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_haute_hotels, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_haute_hotels.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_spas, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_spas.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_wanderlust, $the_cat)) {
	    include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_wanderlust.php';
	} 

	// Culture
	elseif (preg_match($gallery_art_and_design, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_art_and_design.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_books, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_books.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_cuisine, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_cuisine.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_on_the_agenda, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_on_the_agenda.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_photography, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_photography.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_lifestyle_notes, $the_cat)) {
	    include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_lifestyle_notes.php';
	} 

	// Fashion
	elseif (preg_match($gallery_style_mantra, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_style_mantra.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_style_notes, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_style_notes.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($blog_street_style, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/blog_street_style.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_trendwatch, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_trendwatch.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_stylist_on_demand, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_stylist_on_demand.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_wish_list, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_wish_list.php';
	} 

	// Beauty
	elseif (preg_match($gallery_must_have_products, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_must_have_products.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_beauty_trends, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_beauty_trends.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_scentsual, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_scentsual.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_top_tips, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_top_tips.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_beaute_notes, $the_cat)) {
	    include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_beaute_notes.php';
	} 

	// Celebs
	elseif (preg_match($article_interviews, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_interviews.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_chicest_celebs, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_chichest_celebs.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_get_the_look, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_get_the_look.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_the_good_celebritan, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_the_good_celebritan.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($gallery_the_red_carpet, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/gallery_the_red_carpet.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_celebrity_notes, $the_cat)) {
	    include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_celebrity_notes.php';
	} 

	// Magazine
	elseif (preg_match($article_back_issues, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_magazine.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_current_issue, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_magazine.php';
	}

	// Competitions
	elseif (preg_match($article_current_competitions, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_competitions.php';
	} elseif (preg_match($article_past_competitions, $the_cat)) {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_competitions.php';
	} 

	// Conclude
	else {
		include TEMPLATEPATH. '/article_general.php';
	}

}