Thanks for your feedback. It's helpful for us to hear your opinions, and gather ideas for the future versions of Jetpack.
Some just break for no reason at times because they have to contact wordpress to work.
I can understand your frustation! Could you give me more details about this? I'd be happy to have a look at your site if some of the features do not work for you.
The plugin automatically activates many features on it's own requiring manual deactivation (because obviously everyone likes every feature) [...] It should not automatically expect us to want some of the shit features, and the things that SHOULD be automatically set, aren't.
When developing a new Jetpack feature, we always consider whether we should enable it by default, or leave it as an option.
Ultimately, when you hear about a new Jetpack feature, and click on the "Update" button because you want to try this new feature, you would expect that feature to be available as soon as you have updated to the latest version of Jetpack.
However, when that feature brings significant changes to your site's design (like Jetpack Comments or the Mobile Theme), we won't activate that feature for you.
If you are not interested in all the Jetpack modules, you can deactivate them by clicking on 'Learn More" under the module description, and then on 'Deactivate":
The plugin adds a damn smiley face under the footer, pushing it up, requiring us to check a box to make it not appear (somehow that isn't automatically set?! Fucking brilliant.)
As you may know, this image is used to track visitors on your site. We chose a small smiley :), but as you mentioned, you can hide it by clicking on "Configure" under the Stats module.