Permissions. Need Help. Cannot POST anything.

Looks like WP 3.4.1 wants the WP files to be under the same user that runs Apache. This is nobody on most Cpanel servers, which is used by a bazillion servers in the world.

Yet, when I have to FTP files and such, I need the user to be my_domain_user, otherwise I cannot update files.

What gives? What is the solution? There are thousands of threads here about WP permissions. Not a single one of them says what we need to do.

Any tips? Is there a script that automatically sets the right permissions?

Thanks.