Hi there, @sickhippie. I'm from the lead team, so I'll try to hit the issues you've raised.
1. We've long had issues with how much vertical space was taken up by the dashboard header, duplication between the optional admin bar and dashboard header, and people (largely less savvy but greater in number) who are still just flummoxed by how the dashboard and a live site are connected. We've gradually moved toward replacing the dashboard header with something slimmer. The "toolbar" is really the new double-sided header (front + back ends), NOT the new admin bar.
It can't be turned off in the dash because it is the dashboard header. It can be turned off on the live site because you're not in the dashboard, so you don't *need* the header.
2. If you're using a plugin like Ozh's or Fluency, you are choosing to use a plugin that exists to fundamentally change the dashboard. These plugins need to be updated with each new version of WordPress. If you look at Ozh's changelog, you'll see that there hasn't been a commit to his plugin in 4 months --- most of the toolbar stuff has happened since then, and he will need to update things. His plugin is intended to change the dashboard, so it should. He should probably amend the plugin to take over the toolbar bits. But that's his job, not ours. If we didn't provide hooks for it, that would be a valid complaint, but as far as I know a plugin could revamp it at will. (I could be wrong on that, but I asked Jaquith and he said it should be doable.)
3. Multisite numbers. We can't really get very accurate stats, because we only know about *installs* that phone home, not number of users on each one who might need the multisite menus. We know of about 60,000+ multisite installations, half of which have more than two sites. The average is 58.7 sites per multisite install (that gets us into the 3.5 million sites mark, times however many users per site). Then, 31 installs have more than 10k sites. Edublogs, for example, has over a million sites. Universities like CUNY have thousands/tens of thousands of users per install.
So. The half-million downloads of Ozh's plugin doesn't sound like it's actually more than multisite users. More savvy users? Very possible. Likely even. But also more capable of fiddling with the code, contributing to the plugin to add functionality, or at least emailing the author to see what can be done. In core we are aiming features at a much wider swath of abilities.
FWIW, I personally HATED the admin bar when we put it in core. Evidence is all over IRC logs, wpdevel, etc. The toolbar is more a move to connect front to back and reduce header height. If we hadn't kept the admin bar coloring and it was white or light gray like the old header, I do wonder how many people would still be making a fuss.
There is no more admin bar. There is a dashboard header that is also accessible on the front end when logged in if you want that option. That's about it. If Ozh updates dropdown menus to replace the new toolbar, that is perfectly fine.