my page is loading epically slowly!

Yeah, that’s pretty slow. I’m sure you’re conversion rate will be about zero unless you can get things moving faster.
Fortunately, you don’t need to be a genius at coding.
Check out the Firefox Firebug Yslow extension and run your site through that.
Also, try disabling some of your plugins (even one by one) and see how your site will speed up.
Each JavaScript file that has to load, combined with all of those ads you’re serving are what’s slowing things down.