can’t get into my dashboard…

Hi, I recently upgraded my blog thecowgoddess.com with fantastico deluxe (because another blog was hacked, I upgraded it as well).
The blog has been on autopilot for a few weeks, so I don’t know if the problem is related, but I can’t get into the dashboard now.
1. I have tried to use the lost password link (about 17 times) and that doesn’t work. When I try and log-in the address changes to /wp-admin/upgrade.php?_wp_http_referer=%Fwp-admin%2F for a brief half-second and then goes back to /wp-login there is no error message.
2. I have gone into my SQL database and given myself a new password and that didn’t work. I do get an error message then
3. I have changed the address in phpadmin . and that didn’t work.
4. tech support at my server tried all of these things to no avail and then attempted to use a backup from January 3rd. But still nothing works.

The advice I’ve been given is that I need to re-install wordpress…

do you guys have any ideas?

thanks!
Heather